If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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