look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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