There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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