You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
