Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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