I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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