I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
