You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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