OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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