Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
