he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I believe in your delicious
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
