Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
