hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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