One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
