she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
