you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
