I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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