I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
