jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
