when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
