How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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