i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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