I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
