There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
