Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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