i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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