so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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