After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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