I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
