Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize