She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
