You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
