Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
