They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
