Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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