We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
