And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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