didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
