My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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