she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
