I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
