Quick, to the slutcave!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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