i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
