he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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