that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
