I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
