What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
