roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
