i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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