Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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