office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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