I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
