were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
