this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
