if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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