The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
