Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
