Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
