it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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