This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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