giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
