Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
