My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
two words: eviction party
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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