walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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