You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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