You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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