i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
